The return of NBA basketball is slowly but surely approaching, and it’s getting to be time to take a hard look at the teams that made the cut to play at Disney World in Orlando, and gauge their chances to come away as champions. Jared Cohen and Greg Esposito took a look at these remaining teams through a slightly different lens, comparing the participating teams and their chances to movies in the Disney family. Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth.
First up- Western Conference
Jared Cohen:
I’ll get things started with the number one seed in the West! The Lakers =The Incredibles.
They are big, they’re strong, they’re fast. Some might think guys like Lebron and AD are super human. While many are probably rooting against them (outside of LA), they’ll most likely still come out on top just like The Incredibles did, despite heroes being illegal in their society. Lebron seemed to be stuckin a cubicle, like Mr. Incredible when heroes were banned, while playing with all those young Lakers ayear ago. But he seemingly found new life and even new youth when Anthony Davis showed up. However after seeing Lebron’s form when on the squat rack, I doubt he could lift a train like Mr.Incredible.
Espo:
I see where you tried to go with The Incredibles, but I’m going to have to disagree. I think the Lakers are a different superhero film with Disney ties. The Lakers = The Avengers: End Game
LeBron James and the Lakers aren’t the Avengers in this scenario. No, they are Thanos. They have the most to gain by being in the Orlando bubble. Heck, their pursuit of a championship and the league’s desire to see it has already snapped 8 teams out of existence at least for the remainder of this season. Their window to dominate is right now. LeBron is trying to collect championship rings like infinity stones. He’s got three and needs three more to complete his Jordan crushing gauntlet. And just like Thanos thought of himself, many think a Lakers title is inevitable.
Jared Cohen:
Isn’t it crazy that the Lakers got this much better basically by a Thanos snap of a finger? That takes us back to the 2 seed in the West. The Clippers =Star Wars: A New Hope.
For whatever Clipper fans are out there, the Lakers, aka The Dark Side, are what stand in front of their shot at the title. The Clippers have more of a challenge than any other team and that’s having respect and fandom in their own town! They needed something or someone to try and turn around this narrative so they can somehow be taken seriously. The possible answer? A Jedi by the name of Kawhi. Can this team, with the spirit of a rebellion in their own stomping grounds, do what they’ve never done in franchise history?
Espo:
Come on. The Clippers is more obvious than that. The Clippers = The Parent Trap.
After years of thinking they were one of a kind in LA, the Lakers now share a building with a twin they never realized existed, the Clippers. Sure, they grew in a different town — Buffalo/San Diego — but, thanks to Kawhi and Paul George, they now have the star power to be on the same level as the Lakers. Luckily, for Lakers fans who are used to jumping off the bandwagon, they won’t have far to go to root for their next team.
Jared Cohen:
You clearly don’t know the dynamics in LA. Lakers fans rooting for the Clippers? I can see them rooting for the Suns before that happens. But that’s ok, I’m glad you don’t. Makes me look better in this. How's this one? The Nuggets = Frozen II.
In the end Elsa is only happy ending up where she belongs, and where it is cold. Not Arendale where it is warm, and she can’t identify with people even if she tried. The Nuggets belong in the cold as well, and are at an advantage when in the cold, thin air. But there will be no basketball in Denver, and maybe outside of the Lakers, they'll be missing their homecourt advantage the most in Orlando.
Also, apparently Nikola Jokic has abs now? That once seemed as likely as Olaf being able to exist in summer time.
Espo:
Frozen II? Shouldn’t that be the Suns because they’ve been ice cold for years, and about as much luck when it comes to rings as Christoph? Denver is easy. The Nuggets = Ant-Man.
Have you seen Nikola Jokic? He is the Nuggets, and he’s also a guy who apparently can shrink at a moment’s notice. Pre-stoppage he looked like Baymax from Big Hero 6, and now he weighs about as much as a Disney princess. This is either the best or worst thing to happen to Denver. Their star center will either be more nimble, allowing him to play switch defense and run on offense, or he’s lost what made him special, and will be lost in what amounts to the NBA’s version of the quantum realm... trapped between what he was and what he hoped to become.
Let’s move on to possibly the most interesting and bizarre team of the entire, grand Disney World experiment, the Utah Jazz. The Jazz = Toy Story.
Long before Woody and Buzz were best buds, they hated each other. The Utah Jazz are facing a similar situation. After being at the epicenter of the shutdown of the sports world when Rudy Gobert tested positive for COVID-19, it came light that his nonchalant attitude towards thepandemic also caused Donovan Mitchell to get sick. Thus a rift between the core of what Utah fans feel is their future. Much like Woody and Buzz in Toy Story, the two are stuck in Orlando with each other. Jazz fans better hope, like in the movie, that awkward forced bonding ignites a friendship... otherwise one of their stars could be singing, “You’ve got a trade for me. You’ve got a trade for me. You’ve got troubles that’s in you. Yeah you’ve got a trade for me.”
Jared Cohen:
I too consider the Utah Jazz to be Toy Story. Instead of me trying to search for another movie and debate you just for the sake of entertainment, like many other media entities like to do, I’m going to agree with you as this is THE PERFECT pick. Like you mentioned, the last we heard from the Jazz, Rudy Gobert and Donovan Mitchell hated each other. It’s hard for a team to last when their two best players are feuding. The Jazz might fall apart, just like the citizens of Andy’s room seemed to lose their identity when Woody and Buzz were at odds with one another. Rudy, aka Woody, is going to have to dig deep and find a way to convince Donovan, aka Buzz, that’s is cool to be a toy and live happily ever after as best buds and NBA Champs.
Up next, The Thunder = Guardians of the Galaxy.
This almost fits too perfectly. A group of misfits others didn’t want to have around, that was supposed to suck, ends up being an incredible and entertaining unit. I mean, doesn’t Steven Adams seem like he could be a guy who just repeats the same phrase over and over as his only way of communicating, like "I AM GROOT!” In the end, the Guardians needed a much bigger crew of Avengers to defeat Thanos, and for the Thunder, it will take a lot more than what they have to come away as champs- but that doesn’t change the fact that this was one of the best stories of the 2019-20 season, much like the Guardians movies are widely considered some of the best of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Espo:
I love Guardians of the Galaxy for the Thunder as well, but it would have to be named GUARD-ians of the Galaxy. The only chance OKC has to win is if Chris Paul, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, and Dennis Schröder play out of thisworld. Based on his State Farm commercials, Chris Paul won’t be anywhere near as funny as Star Lord, but he’s continually proved he can lead a group to exceed expectations that won’t end in a title, but maybe an unexpected sequel.
That brings us to H-Town. The Rockets = Honey I Shrunk the Kids.
An inventor with all sorts of unorthodox ideas shrinks his kids on accident and they have to venture their way through a land of “giants” to reach the end of their journey. Sound familiar? Mike D’Antoni is a man with all sorts of crazy ideas when it comes to basketball. Some would even argue he helped create the way the modern game is played. His latest experiment is shrinking the Rockets by getting rid of the center position altogether and playing completely small. He shrunk his lineup and now the team is going to have to wander through the NBA’s version of a backyard full of giants.
Jared Cohen:
You and I are starting to get a little too aligned for my liking, so I'm going to switch things up. The Rockets = Little Mermaid.
Ariel is a wonderful, loveable character who in the end, wanted to unite two species that didn’t like each other. A more cynical way to look at this is that Ariel wanted what she wanted in order to better herself at the detriment of her own people. James Harden, he’s going to do whatever he wants to do in order to win a game. If that’s hoisting 30 shots and making 20% of them, or turning the ball over 10 times, he’s going to play the only way he knows how, even if it leaves his team out to dry. It worked for Ariel and Eric, but can it work for James and Russell? Something will have to give with this team who seemingly has as much of a size disadvantage without a center as the mermaids had to Ursula when she became a giant octopus.
Next up, The Mavericks- Spider-Man, Far from Home.
Spider-Man made quite the name for himself in New York, fighting alongside the Avengers and keeping his neighborhood safe, but what would happen when he was needed to save communities far outside the comfort of the United States? Well, he succeeded with his trusty spidey-senses. As for Mr. Luka Doncic, he took Europe by storm, and traveling to place that is far from home and still being able to trigger his spidey-senses at the highest level of play in the United States is certainly remarkable.
Espo:
I see what you did there. I’m going back to 1963 for my Dallas pick. The Mavericks = Miracle of the White Stallions.
Let’s be honest. You’ve never heard of this film and neither have I. The details of its plot don’t matter one bit. But its title is perfect. It’s going to take a miracle for Luka and Kristaps to win it all in Orlando. Especially if the reports are true that Doncic is badly out of shape. As Suns fans, any Luka success means that much more pressure on Deandre Ayton to perform.
Which brings us to the No. 8 seed. The Grizzlies = New Mutants.
I’m going to cheat here and pick a movie that doesn’t open until August of this year (If there is an August of this year). It’s a film based around 5 young mutants just discovering their powers who have to break out of a facility. Ja Morant, Jaren Jackson Jr., Dillion Brooks, Brandon Clarke, and Josh Jackson fit the bill of five youngsters discovering their true powers. The Wide World of Sports at Disney World is the facility. If this young team is going to make the playoffs, and maybe even make some noise in them, they’re going to have to fight their way through numerous Western Conference teams gunning for them and the eighth seed, especially since the league made it more difficult for them with the play-in situation.
Jared Cohen:
You can always count on Espo to make comparisons to something no one has seen, whether in the past or the present. So I encourage you all too just nod your head and move on to my next two selections. The Grizzlies = Toy Story 4.
Just like Forky, who made Bonnie feel much better about going to Kindergarten, Ja Morant is the new toy in Memphis that seems to be making everyone feel a lot better. Now it’s up to the rest of the toys in Memphis to make sure Morant is well taken care of, because if he isn’t receiving help while they're in Orlando, the whole team will end up back in the trash!
The Blazers = Finding Nemo.
It seems the Blazers had lost their way bigtime throughout 2019-20 after being in the Western Conference Finals last season. So in order to get back on track, CJ McCollum has had to find his lost/injured teammates, Damian Lillard and Josef Nurkic. Just like Marlin had to team up with Dory on his reluctant adventure. CJ had to pick up a lost odd, fit of a fish himself, by the name of Carmelo Anthony, who was just looking for a friend to embrace him. Similar to Marlin crossing the ocean, Portland will have to travel a vast distance, the furthest of any other team, to make their dreams come true and find what they had just one year ago.
Espo:
You know you love the obscure. It’s the only reason you invited me to do this. The Blazers = Freaky Friday.
Last year they looked like a potential contender. While they look the same on the outside this year, something certainly is off internally. They never found a rhythm, and now find themselves battling to even have a shot at the play-in when they get to Orlando. Oh, and they might not even have Carmelo, as it sounds like he is weighing whether he should play or not. Unless they magically zap back to last year’s form, they’re done for.
The Pelicans - (The First Half of) The Lion King.
Zion will eventually be king of this league. It almost seems inevitable (Feel free to bookmark this and submit it to Freezing Cold Takes in a few years.) Just like it seemed inevitable that Simba would eventually take the crown in the Lion King. But, as we learned in the movie and in the history of the NBA, the path is never easy. It's full of twists, turns, and heartbreak. This year Zion and his fellow Pelicans are going to get the first chapter in what likely will be a few chapters of the pain of losing at the hands of a superior team. How he learns from that and comes back to eventually fight for the crown will determine his legacy.
Jared Cohen:
Obscure is my favorite quality of you my friend. Don’t ever change. And that will not be a freezing cold take. It’s going to happen with Zion. Which is why I compare Zion to this guy... The Pelicans = Aladdin.
Aladdin was nothing until he was sent into the cave of wonders and came out with the Genie and a flying carpet. Well, the Pelicans were in rough shape with Anthony Davis demanding a trade and the team being in shambles. But then, Alvin Gentry found a lamp, rubbed it the night of the NBA Draft lottery, and out came a powerful wish granting figure named Zion. Alvin’s never had a friend like Zion! It will be a tall task but this Pelicans team has the makings of a 'diamond in the rough.'
And on to the next bottom feeder in the west… The Kings = Rookie of the Year
The Kings going on a run is about as likely as 12 year old kid breaking his arm by slipping on a baseball, magically being able to throw over 100 miles per hour, and ultimately getting signed to play in the Major Leagues. Maybe at Disney World... but very unlikely in the real world. Speaking of freezing cold takes, I thought Marvin Bagley was going to be a star in this league. That still can happen, but man, it’s not looking good for the local kid so far.
Espo:
I had to look up Rookie of the Year because I never realized it was a Disney film. I guess we learn something new every day. The Kings = Peter Pan.
This one is simple. The Kings live in Never Land. As in they have never have and will never win a title- which means they’ll always be bad and remain young forever.
The Spurs = Old Yeller
I really don’t know anything other than the movie was about an old dog that gets infected with something, has to be quarantined, and his time comes to an end. The Spurs are old, have been quarantined, and their time in the playoffs - 22 years in a row- is about to come to an end. I respect Coach Popovich, but even he can’t overcome a roster that is lacking and a season ending injury to Lamarcus Aldridge.
Jared Cohen:
Haha! The Kings are totally Peter Pan and I love that comp for the Spurs. Good picks by you. But here’s a different spin with the Spurs... The Spurs =Finding Dory.
The Spurs in the back of their minds recall something of their past, such as what it takes to win a championship much like Dory remembers clues about her parents. But will take a miraculous sequence of events to remember how to get back there and be reunited with the trophy.
And now for our beloved Suns. This comp is almost too good to be true, and one I probably spent the most time on. The Suns = Cool Runnings.
No one can believe the Suns are technically in the playoff picture! Remember when Dorice, Sanka and the gang showed up in Calgary and everyone just stared at them in shock?Sanka said, “Oh! This is good!” Well that’s most likely how Book and company are going to feel when every team that’s used to playing meaningful games at the end of the season sees them walk into the bubble. The core of this Suns team and their exposure to games of this magnitude over the last decade is the equivalent of a Jamaican seeing snow! The chances of making a run in Orlando would be about as unlikely as the Jamaican bobsled team being in medal contention going into the final day of competition! We know the Suns, and they might find a way to turn some heads, only to see it all come apart when it matters most, like an old bobsled that sees a screw come loose at the worst possible moment.
Espo:
It’s time to pull this bit in to the station since it’s taken almost as long to complete as the Suns will actually spend in Orlando.
The Suns = Miracle.
A group of young guys no one expects anything of go on to beat the odds and shock the world, thanks in part to an inspiring coach. Sure, it’s a pipe dream, but so was beating the Russians in hockey at the 1980 Olympics... until it happened. The Suns will need a miracle to overcome their 1 in 10,000 odds but, if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s to expect the unexpected. If there ever were a year that something crazy would happen in the NBA it’s this one. It’s the first time Devin Booker will be playing meaningful basketball, and Deandre Ayton will be on the biggest stage he’s had since the NCAA Tournament with UArizona. Monty Williams has found a way to get the most out of both guys all season and he’ll have to squeeze every ounce out of them just to get into the play-in series. Hopefully he has a few Herb Brooks-type speeches in his back pocket.
