Flynn hangs up cleats- "My happiness and football were never connected"

Brayden Flynn assisted on a tackle in Chandler's first game against Red Mountain. Unbeknownst to everyone besides Flynn himself, that assisted tackle would be his last. Brayden Flynn, a Navy commit with multiple scholarship offers, had decided to give up football for good.

According to Flynn, Chandler coaches were holding him back a bit because of a concussion he had recently suffered, but he had been fully cleared to play in the upcoming game against the country's #1 team, IMG Academy, Saturday, August 26th on ESPN. As the returning sack leader in the state's highest division, Flynn was expected to be an impact player for the defending state champions. He recently had his hardship appeal approved by the Arizona Interscholastic Association after transferring to Chandler from Hamilton in the wake of the hazing scandal that has resulted in an ongoing criminal investigation of several players on last year's Hamilton team.

The lone tackle Flynn had against Red Mountain isn't just his last, according to Maxpreps, where the official stat records are housed, the tackle was also his first. Upon transferring to Hamilton's rival school, Flynn's name and stats were erased from last year's record books. The empty stat sheet serves as an ironic metaphor for a desire Flynn has long kept to himself- the desire to erase the sport of football in his own life.

Flynn was gracious enough to speak with me about his decision to leave a state championship-caliber team, as well as walk away from an athletic scholarship- and also outline why he's so excited about his future.

When did you start playing football?

"I started playing around seven years old. It's been 10 years now. I started out with baseball. I was always a baseball kid, but I sort of grew out of it, sort of like what's happening now. There just came a time when I wanted to move on."

When did you start to notice that you had some natural talent on the football field?

"Probably around 8th grade I realized that I could be pretty good at this."

You had told me that around sophomore year, you started to have thoughts creep in that football wasn't something you wanted to continue on with. What sort of things were you thinking about?

"I just thought that I didn't see myself playing football for, what was at that time, three more years. I definitely didn't envision having this be part of my life in college. Not back then, when I was a sophomore on JV. I've always had other dreams."

When you started having success as a junior, did that alleviate some of those thoughts?

"Junior year was a blur. I enjoyed the people and players I was around. Obviously the season didn't go as well as I wanted it to, but it all really happened so fast. It wasn't until after the season ended that I thought to myself, 'Wow, I have another year of this.' Some of the things that happened at the end of the season really got into my head, and it was just hard to imagine myself having that experience again. The losing, the physical pain, other stuff. It was just hard."

At the same time though, you're starting to get letters from colleges, go on visits, go to camps. I distinctly remember you reaching out to me and us talking about your highlights. Some part of you had to be bought into the idea of continuing- what's it like to be in two separate head spaces about football and your future?

"People tell you what to do, where to send film, who to contact. I was caught up in that, but at the same time, I'd be wondering why I couldn't just do my own thing. At the end of my junior year it really started to sink in that if I quit, coming off the year I had, I would be facing a lot of criticism. I told myself I couldn't quit because of how people would react. I guess I painted myself into a corner by having a good year."

Who were you most afraid of disappointing?

"My parents. My dad. Now, I think they realize where I'm coming from, and that's on me because I'm not really good about opening up. I had brought stopping football up before, but it was never something I followed through or was consistent with."

Did you ever look around and see people who are completely sold out for football and wonder why that couldn't be you?

"Actually a lot of players are the opposite. They're like me. They don't want to let their parents down, and they have a hard time opening up about what it is they want to do. You only live once. If I want to do something that makes me happy, I mean, I lost my grandfather and grandmother in the past two years and it made me think about you only have this one chance. I look at other kids and I'd wonder what it'd be like to feel that way about football, but at the end of the day I just knew it wasn't me."

How was your mindset affected by some of the more serious off-the-field incidents that Hamilton High as a whole was going through?

"It was hard. I remember being at the store on day, wearing my Hamilton shirt, and a woman walked up to me and said, 'You should be ashamed of yourself, and you're a disgrace.' That hurt, and has been on my mind for a while. I was close with some of the kids who were arrested, and this whole thing has been hard to comprehend."

Did you ever think that the football field would be a good place to forget what last year's team and your former school are going through?

"Maybe when I was younger it was an outlet that put me in my comfort zone, but I'm growing up, and my comfort zone has changed to being happy to be by myself, separated from all the drama. Anything football related is more of a reminder at this point."

So why transfer to Chandler?

"I had wanted to go there as early as the end of freshman year. When I left Hamilton, it was about trying to see if I could feel refreshed given everything that was going on. I just wanted to try something new to see if it could re-energize me."

Did it work?

"Yes, I enjoyed it. It was a new atmosphere. It's like anything in life, if you get a new car, you want to spend your time driving it. If you get a new job, you're excited to get to work in the morning."

I've talked to several of your former Hamilton teammates, both before last season started and after, and they told me that apart from any scandal, there was just something different about the team that gave off a vibe that troubled them, whether that be players not having much of a relationship off the field, or a large number of players just hanging around the program to say they have a Hamilton jersey. Did you feel like it was a healthier athletic environment than what you came from?

"We were cliquish. We lacked togetherness. We did have 20-30 kids just there to wear a jersey. I got along with mostly everybody, and I've always been outgoing, but I can vouch that there were a lot of people who either had broken relationships, or no relationship outside of being at practice and games. At Chandler the motto is "Makoa," and "Ohana." It means family, and they push that. It was a whole different atmosphere. I felt welcomed, and it was insane to see how everyone gets along no matter what."

The question I'm sure a lot of people have is that if you knew you didn't want to continue with football, why commit to Navy?

"I got wrapped up in people telling me that if I go to Navy, my life would be set. The opportunity they gave me was amazing, and there was a pressure there to not pass something that good up. When I visited there, I sort of got a lust feeling for it. I genuinely felt like it was a place I'd love to go. When you have feelings like that, they're strong, and it's not until later that you're left second-guessing your decision and thinking 'did I just do that?'

You very recently lost your grandmother. Did that play in to the immediacy of your decision to stop playing football?

"I don't really deal well with family members passing away. It got to the point where it was all I could think about. I wasn't the same happy person that I'd been before, on or off the field. One of the things that happened when she passed away was a lot of my family got together, and it gave me a chance to talk to some of them about what I was feeling, and I realized they just wanted me to be happy. It was the first time I was able to say some of these things out loud, and I never really knew how people would react. I was scared to have to face questions about why I wanted to stop playing football, I was scared of being told my feelings were wrong. So when they supported me, it made me realize that maybe it's OK to think about it sometimes."

What about your recent concussion, was that a factor?

"That took it overboard. It made me think about my future, and really look into what could happen, playing this sport that puts your head at risk, and all the stuff that's going on now, and the brain problems. I just didn't want to put myself in that situation where I'm 35-40 years old and having problems stemming from brain injuries. I want to be there for my family. I think about my grandmother, and I just don't want to leave earth before my time."

When did you know for sure that you were done?

"There are people who have been in my life I've been able to speak with, even football players who don't take what I want to do as a judgement on them. They see the bigger picture and want me to be happy. They knew I was depressed and didn't want to see me like that anymore. But the biggest step was the conversation I had with my dad. We talked for about an hour and a half, and then after that, went to the school, and let them know."

How hard was it to tell your dad?

"One of the top three hardest things I've ever done in my entire life. I think what really helped me is when he said 'I care about you more than I care about a football.' He just wants me to be happy, he said that will always be more important than a piece of leather and some pads."

And how was it having to tell Coach Aguano?

"Coach Aguano is always genuine, and one of the nicest guys I've ever met. It was hard, but he just wants me to be happy as well."

How did you feel after you went through with it?

"Relieved. The moment my hands hit the door as I walked out of the locker room, I had never felt so much relief in my body, or felt so much fall off my shoulders."

So what is it you want to do? You talked about not seeing yourself as a football player- Who do you want to be?

"I've always wanted to work in graphic design. I'm kind of a nerd I guess. I love computers and video games. Any time I'm around a computer I'm happy. I've always wanted to design things, and grew up wanting to design clothes for Nike. So now it's about going to school, making sure my grades are right. It's about being the happy person that I know I am, and being the person I really want to be. Football was a great journey, but all great things come to an end eventually."

What do you say to people who read this and think to themselves that you're throwing your opportunities away? What do you say to the people who work as hard as they can to have the type of talent you have, or covet the opportunities you had?

"You really don't know what's going on in somebody's life, or how they really feel about something. I was blessed by football, but my heart is focused on something else. I get it a lot that I'm throwing something away, but I'm not throwing away my heart and my happiness. My happiness and football were never connected."

What do you say to the kids out there who might be living someone else's dream, and are worried about meeting others' expectations?

"At the end of the day it's your life. You have to do what you have to do in order to be happy."